Things move fast, every day there’s 23,894 things filling your to do list, hijacking your focus and pulling you in all different directions.
This world of productivity first is A LOT… Whatever’s consuming your time and energy – kids, work, sick parents, business, uni.. it’s always the same… life seems to be FULL and slowing down seems unreachable…. something you’ll get to when you have the time, right?!
I hear you.
If you’re the eldest daughter you’ve probably also spent your most of your existence thinking you can do it all, and even better… you can do it alone! (Yeah – how’s that adult ADHD diagnosis going?)
It’s fkn hectic out here! Only in the last couple of years since buying the studio have I discovered that, in fact, much to my ego’s disapproval – I cannot do it all alone!
I, as we all do, need the support of others. And for a while it killed me to ask for help, for assistance, to break down in front of my girls. I felt like a failure and it’s still something I work through daily. Luckily, I’m surrounded by incredible women who WANT to be a part of what I’m creating – this magic that is coming to life at Gold! My friends, my sister, the network of love and support that moves around me constantly is the sole reason this studio and its community exist. For which I’m eternally grateful!
But after this week away, spent with absolute strangers who owe me nothing and have no connection to this business, nor me at all…..I discovered an entirely new world!
The power of co regulation among women.
Yes, at home we cuddle, vent, talk, listen, laugh and dance but when it’s with women you already know and love the safety is already there.
With strangers it’s all new, fresh, nerve wracking… you’ve got to build the trust. And what better way than a week of magic.
A week of holding space for heavy stories, of sinking into safety within your body (both clothed and naked), of sott massage, cuddles, falling asleep entwined with another, holding hands and stroking each other’s hair, of movement, of stillness, of taking the time to witness each other, of sending prayers and wishes for each other’s lives… with absolute strangers! This week was raw – it was all consuming in the most delicious way. It was profound and honestly… life changing.
In this week, I quickly noticed how the pain in my body disappeared. My injured shoulder stopped aching, the inflammation in my knee disappeared, the need to release the stiff crack in my neck 5 times a day…. all gone.
One of the girls said her sciatica had completely gone – she put it down to the morning yoga sessions… and there would be some truth to that!
But within 3-4 days… for all aches and pains to disappear?
And yes, we weren’t working on computers or dealing with daily stressors – that helps!
But we were co regulating!!
Every single day, within the group (of 12) we connected deeply with each other and space to tune into our bodies… what did we NEED in that moment… what did we WANT in that moment…. and we had time to listen to our bodies.
Together, as a little tribe of women.
Research has shown that coregulation is essential for adults just as much as little ones. The simple act of being a calm, grounded presence for another, just holding space without attempting to fix anything or offer advice is enough…. but physical touch with real cuddles where you have time to melt, breath together and stop the wild thoughts…. those are the magic moments on top!!
This retreat has shown me how deeply women can really heal other women.
Women, in all their power, emotion, depth, and magic, have an extraordinary capacity to hold one another with radical compassion and deep knowing. In that space, shame disappates, hearts open, and healing becomes possible.
I will hold that week in my soul as one of the most lifechanging weeks of my life.
Today, Jaimee (my housemate and darling friend who I met on the dance floor at Donny’s many years ago), came home in tears. With the anniversary of her dads passing coming up and work overloading her… her nervous system just had enough!
Hannah (my little sister) and I got to work immediately. We wrapped her up on the couch and I laid on top of her for a while (if you know you know) whilst Han made her tea and toast (the English solution to everything) – even the dogs came over for cuddles.
Did it solve all her problems? No, of course not but did it help her reconnect with her body and feel safe again.
We know we need love, support and safety.
This isn’t groundbreaking news to any of you.
So, why aren’t we fucking living it???
Why, are we too often so isolated and stuck in our own bubble?
Working, hustling, grinding away, pushing our needs further and further down in the fears of being “too much” or inconveniencing someone.
Your tired, overstimulated body doesn’t need another fucking Netflix binge worthy series or 2 hours of shit scrolling in the hopes that the NEXT 8 second video will suddenly hit the spot and thennnnn you will sleep perfectly…
You need REAL connection. And ideally with women. Strong, kind, loving women. Women who don’t pretend to be fucking fine all the time, women that are safe to fall apart with and rebuild together.
Women ARE the magic you are craving.
(Who’s ready to set up a women only commune?! Gosh wouldn’t that be divine!)
As someone that didn’t grow up in Australia, I know making real friendships can be rough and it takes time!
So, if you’re feeling you’ve not got the girls around you that you want (or want a couple more!)…..
– The StripHer retreat I just attended was run by Caitlin Erica and I would highly recommend attending the next one, and although I’ve not been to her workshops and events, I’m sure they’re fkn epic!
Women’s retreats give you more time to settle in and build deep connections over one night events but start wherever you can!
– Set up a date per week/fortnight/ month (whatever you have capacity for) and invite all the wonderful women you know to a dinner / walk / dance session… anything that feels good for you. They invite their girls and so on, make it regular and something that doesn’t add to your workload! (I’ve just set mine up for dinner this Sunday at my local!).
– Get to classes!! Find places that are social (yoga is cool but how often are you chatting outside?!)… Maybe I should start a list of social spaces?! Who’s keen for that? Got some suggestions??
Here’s where I can think of right now….
Obviously my studio The Golden Era (Sydney) for classes, workshops, ritual days and social nights.
Zenly in St Peters runs heaps of cool things and has a great community (yoga – ironically, Neurospircy skills workshops, sapphic dating nights ect – fkn cool.
Jessica Davina’s art workshops – I’ve done 3 of these and bloody LOVE them!! Central coast, Newcastle & Sydney.
Has anyone been to The Gathering Space in Paddington??
– Do NOT be afraid to put yourself out there and exchange numbers/insta with fucking cool chicks you meet in cafes, bars, shops ect. Nothing is a bigger compliment that someone saying “I would love to be your friend”. Do it. I met this cool waitress, Roxy, in my local cafe a couple months ago, we chat all the time now and she’s coming to dinner on Sunday – yay!!
Any which way you can surround yourself with truly epic women, do it!
The magic that happened on that retreat was so powerful, I hope to keep it with me in my everyday life – like with these little love letters!
Women heal women.
x
